In my last Edit I explored women in sport and physical activity across the life course, discussing how engagement with, and approaches to, can change over the years. With these changes often being linked to different life events. For every woman, the experiences will be different, some of these events will happen at different age-points, some perhaps won’t happen at all. Some of the more complex life events, such as the death of a spouse, can have profound effects on a woman’s life. In the context of sport and physical activity, an event such as this could encourage one to go into themselves and reduce engagement with physical activity, or can encourage increased levels of activity. 

The impact of the death of a spouse is not a topic I have come across in my own research. It’s not a subject that is readily studied across my immediate group of colleagues, collaborators, and project partners. I have also struggled to find a great deal of recent research and publications. What led me to further explore the topic is thanks to Laraine, who you will recall joined me for the last Edit. When I was in touch with Laraine about my plans for that Edit, I had a list of topics to cover – spanning across the life course, of which one was death of a spouse. My intention had been to include some detail about this life event. However, Laraine suggested she speak to her step-mum, Tina, about her experience. 

What came back from Tina was, in my opinion, such an important story to tell – and one that I immediately knew that many, many women would benefit from reading. What I read was far too important and moving to edit into an article that was about many other things. So, with Tina’s permission, below is her experience, in her own words, of losing her husband, Tony – Laraine’s Dad, and how walking and running, and specifically, Park Run has become an integral part of moving forward. 

I am a 59-year-old woman. I have always been active. As a child I was often out on my bike or going for walks with my friends and parents. After I finished school, I seemed to miss physical activity, so I joined a local gym, which happened to be ladies only. I mainly did weight bearing exercise, back in those days few gyms had treadmills, bikes, etc although some were acquired after many years. I found I preferred the cardio element of exercise, it felt I was pushing myself more. I enjoyed going, it was purposeful, and I liked the social aspect of it. A few of us became friends and went on social outings. I always felt a sense of achievement when coming home from the gym, and it also helped keep my weight in check. In the 80’s Step classes had taken off and I was an avid fan, often going 3 times a week. Again, I liked to push/challenge myself and would ensure I had at least 2 risers on my step. I would also play Badminton, I only ever played to win!  Time passed on and I ended up working in London and time for the gym seemed limited. I tried to go but in the end it fell by the wayside. I did walk a lot in London, preferring to do that than getting on a tube. I was in my late 20’s. 

London is where I met Tony, my husband of nearly 24 years. Getting together in my early 30’s. I moved to Shropshire, from Essex and left all my friends and family. It was quite isolating. Tony and I started to walk locally in Telford where we lived. Going out after work for around an hour. We were lucky as we had many beautiful circular walks locally. Additionally, our local council had started a series of walks around the borough and we felt this would be a good way for me to get to know the area. The walks would range from 3 to 8 miles. We found ourselves really enjoying walking, it’s where we would chat, and it helped to let go of the day’s stresses. We both had stressful jobs, especially Tony and walking helped us to relax. I taught Tony how to get Chestnuts out of their prickly coats and eat the contents, much to Tony’s disgust. The town park became a particular favourite, and somewhere we would go frequently. Incorporating it with a bite to eat, which was always good encouragement for Tony. We also joined The National Trust and often walked at Attingham, our local trust. We felt a benefit to our health by going. Both physically and mentally. I did go back to the gym periodically, as I missed the cardio aspect and for me I needed that challenge to push myself. I did a range of intermittent run/walk and fast walking on an incline. Not holding on, which I noticed people did, and could never understand!  I found marching along gave my mind time to sort out any issues I had. I could clearly think them through. I always found it therapeutic. 

When we fully retired I was 50. Our walking really took off then, generally walking 4 miles 3 to 4 times a week and one long walk of 6 to 8 miles. I no longer went to the gym. I dabbled in Zumba, again my love of cardio.

Three weeks off of my 58th birthday, my world fell apart, Tony died of a cardiac arrest. The day after he died I had a stress related heart attack. I was released from hospital after an angiogram and cardio echogram showing fortunately no damage to my heart. The consultant wrote in her letter to my GP, that my physical being would easily mend, however my mental being would take a long time. My purpose in life had gone, my future felt as if I was on a raft floating in the ocean with no land in sight. I was just existing. Although there was no damage to my heart in the first week or so, I could not walk more than 50 yards without the need to sit down. I had elderly parents that I cared for and needed to keep going for them. Not being allowed to drive, I walked to theirs, about 4 minutes from our house. Trying to build up some stamina. About 6 weeks after I thought about Park Run, I had wanted to do it in the past but never had time, nor a real need. However, I talked with Tony’s youngest daughter Laraine and thought this would give me a purpose to get up on a Saturday, a bit of structure to my week, which had completely gone. Something I could possibly look forward to, amongst like-minded people and importantly for me it was in the Park which held special memories for me and not somewhere I would go alone as a woman on my own! I did the first one in July 2023, Laraine came too for support. The weather was awful, but it didn’t matter, we walked most of the way and after we finished, I cried. A release of so many emotions. It took about 52 minutes. It did fulfil, all the things we’d thought. I continued with the Park Run, enthused by it, purchasing proper clothing and footwear. Come rain or shine I kept going. The community spirit there was amazing. No one knew me or my story, however, people smiled, good runners shouted encouragement. Laraine drops in to jog with me from time to time. I feel close to Tony in the Park. As well as Park Run, about 6 months after Tony passed, I still felt no purpose and although Park Run helped, for me it was not enough. We have a large (to me) hill in Telford called “The Wrekin”. It is popular with the local community, especially during lockdown, when people needed to exercise.  I started to climb it, usually on a Monday or Tuesday, it gave me something else to achieve and get up for. I liked to go early when it was busy.  I needed to stop four times to climb up to the top to be able to get my breath. It’s about 240m high and just under 5k up and down.  I found doing this walk was so hard that I didn’t have the ability to think about my life, only concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. It became rather an obsession and I had to do it each week. Getting my stopping times down over a period of months to none at all. That made me feel great to think that even in the face of such adversity I still had the ability to challenge myself. Also, those endorphins were making me feel good at the end of it. 

Park Run and climbing the Wrekin were excellent activities for me. They were outdoors, purposeful and challenging at that time. They gave structure to my life. It was something I was doing for me. Fast forward to today, just over a year since I started Park Run and my PB is 36.27. I can now jog some of it, I don’t go because it is a purpose in my life, I go because I enjoy it. It takes me back to those single years where I enjoyed exercise. I still compete with myself, however I do try and beat certain runners!  I will always go to Park Run, because that’s where Tony and I are together. I go up The Wrekin as and when I can fit it in. The obsession has stopped. When I go now though, I look around at the beautiful woodland and see the changing seasons. Exercise, especially outdoors, gave me a way to go forward. I would have been lost without it.

Figure 1: Tina and Laraine on completing the recent Wellington 10Km race – in memory of Tony

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